SONGS

Doomed Addiction (Fortunate Saviour)
December 1983 (What Did Happen?)
I’m Happy
Life in Hell (Lafayette Hall)
Missing the Boat Completely

by Jules

Doomed Addiction (Fortunate Saviour) -- 4 October 2001

In the gutter of self destruction
With the junkies on my back
Running down the alleyways
Didn’t want these walls to crack
“Just one cigarette”
But you warned of the disease
“Just one more cigarette”
But you were my nicotine

Refrain:

Sometimes I think I’ve got it,
Found the answer
But I’m just an idiot in the end

Wanting to burn all my papers
Thinking I would perhaps get ahead
If I lost it and was out of control
Wishing for the day they’d declare me dead
“Just one cigarette”
This addiction brought me to my knees
“Just one more cigarette”
But you were my nicotine

[Refrain]

Threw myself out of the pyre
Saw what I thought I’d never do
The remains of what I thought I’d never be
What I wanted to be was you
(and in the desperation and sadness I pleaded)
“Just one cigarette”
But you’d never accept a sorry “please”
“Just one more cigarette”
And I thanked God you were my nicotine

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December 1983 (What Did Happen?) -- 25 October 2001

What did happen, happen to me
On the sixth day of December in ‘83
My eyes, they met the world
a dark and disturbed face
And the blue eyes never again saw
Such a dismal place

What did happen, happen to you
On the eighth day of march in ‘92
Were you overwhelmed to see
The troops marching into Galilee
And did you ever know such pain
To fight for it all but without gain

It was, it was, it was
A bad year
It was my birthday
And I was so, so, so
Full of fear… that year

What did happen, happen to the gun
On October 21 two thousand and one
Was it fighting for justice or proposing a war
And do you want your men shot down anymore
And Bobby’s dream was never so far away
As it was in December on a cold, bitter day.

It was, it was, it was
A bad year
It was my birthday
And I was so, so, so
Full of fear… that year

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I’m Happy

They told me to keep notes
So I could know how I feel
But if I wrote “I don’t care”
They told me it wasn’t real

And when I said, “I’m happy”
The said I was getting it right
So they released me in this state
Worse, darker, into the night

So when they found me among the trenches
They could not begin to explain
That why in the true end
The words say nothing about the pain.

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Life in Hell (Lafayette Hall) -- 25 October 2001

Life in the dungeons cannot be grand
With the portrait of the gallows in mind
When the most prized memory is a rock and roll band
Their kindly words make me glad that they’re blind.

Sleepless nights are frequent
Smells of alcohol linger
My only solace is
The ring around my finger

Perhaps the selfishness and greed would change
If I were someone less
At their level, killing myself slowly
Waking with the headache, the hangover, and the mess
But the prison cell that I inhabit
Is likely to remain
And in the end, when they have passed
I will inherit my true gain

Until then the visions haunt me
Of what I did long ago
And being trapped inside these four walls
Doesn’t make me feel so low
It’s only when the guard enters that
I really begin to see
That this place was meant for them
And only death could set me free.

Sleepless nights are frequent
Smells of alcohol linger
My only solace is
The ring around my finger

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Missing the Boat Completely

They are sure I do not hear the whispers
But despite my deaf ear, I am not blind
And what is all this badness for
Did I ever once treat them unkind?

So finally I hid away
To a place far away
Didn’t think I’d see the day
When I didn’t want to stay

And what did at first seem perfect
Became perfect trouble and fear
I came here with a suitcase and a dream
And I’m still here with my conscience, the nightmare

So finally I ran away
To a place further away
Didn’t think I’d see the day
When what I do means more than what I say

Not being in my right frame of mind, I returned
Only to remember the exact reason I ran
And rather than withering slowly away
I threw my life out the window. Why? Cause I can.

So I finally shot the day
No more running away
Never thought I’d see the day
When I no longer see the day

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